Category: Dating and Relationships
well I think the subject title says it all... this topic of conversation came up a while back when someone was telling me about someone he worked with who has somewhat of a reputation when it comes to women. he has, apparently, been with something like 28 women to date, (and he's only 20), and he has a book with all their names, and a score according to what they will, or will not allow to have done to them (bit immature if you ask me but each to their own I guess). The point I made at the time though was that he might meet a girl one day who he really falls for, and that the fact he has previously been with 28 other woman might cause problems for him in the future.
so, and this question is not limited to girls btw, I simply used the guy as an example, would the number of sexual partners put you off someone? or make you at least consider things? I mean most have had more than one sexual partner. I say most because not all have and some people do choose to wait or do also choose to have just one partner, but bearing in mind it is likely you will end up with someone who has probably had more than one intimate relationship, how many partners will they have had to have had before you'd be put off by it.
I'm not sure i can put a number on it, but I will say that the more partners the person has had, the more mandatory STD testing would be, no matter how much I trusted the person. It would put me off knowing there are strains of HPV that can't be reliably tested for, and I'd be especially hesitant to go beyond touching the person with gloves on. I'd wonder if the person's got kids somewhere. Enough with the practicalities now. I'd also want to know the details, why the person wanted so many partners, what the deal is. Since I sure as hell wouldn't be ready to have sexual relations, no less sex, for a really long time, I'd wonder if sex is that important being that the person had so many partners, that we wouldn't be compatible anyway, that we'd share different values about how we want sexual relations to be.
Why should it matter? You should have him get tested whether he's have 2 partners or 20. And if you love him, why even bother making a big deal over the past? I personally don't ask my guys how many girls they've been with, if the y tell me fine, but I'd rather not even get into personal things like that on matters that are irrelivant.
to me, sex is sacred, and should be treated that way. it would definitely be a big turn off for me if my partner had multiple partners. to me, if they have sex with more than one person, they dont value thereself, and knowing that would make it much harder for me.
I was looking at this that I didn't love the person, that I was thinking about going out with him/her. As for the testing, in general, you're right. Sometimes though if you know and trust the previous partners as well, it's not as big a deal. Also if they only touched and didn't have intercourse, and if you knew the previous partner had been tested... In general though, the testing is the best bet.
Well it depends. If people have too many previous partners, it can happen that other people assume that he/she is so complicated that nobody can cope with this person, or, if I may use this expression, a slut or something like that.
I don't think it really matters. Yes, definitely do the testing...That is the only safe bet, but if you love them, and they love you, why should it really matter what their past is as far as sexual relationships? I know my husband had intercourse before we got together, but I can't tell you how many...However, he's clean, he loves me, I love him, and the past is just that...The past!!!
Lol today on Doctor Phil, they had this girl on who was 26 and she'd been engaged five times but broke it off with each one of em Lol! ..
That's, if I may use that word again, a sluttish behaviour.
well it's selfish! you really have to think it through so carefully. how many guys has she hurt? but the worst thing is, continuing to make the *same *mistake?! hmm
wow engaged 5 times? bet she did it for the diamonds.
another couple and she can open a shop.
Lol, can't believe it. I can#t understand how people can do this without having a guilty concience.
Lol good call SB! probably true! :)
i know a guy who is almost 30 that when he was younger he slept with around 150 girls....hes calmed down now...
we are talking PREVIOUS partners, its in the PAST
wow Belinda you're kidding?! now that would definitely put me off I'd have to admit!
To me, sex is something special and should only be with someone you love. In my opinion, it would be quite a turn off if there were a substantial number of partners, like more than well in my opinion 4 or more. Depending on age of course. Because to me, it may not be special ny more, and I'd be afraid of just being another number.
It's all about the way it's done. If a girl I liked had a book and kept score I don't care how much I liked her that'd be a deffinate no.
I get creeped out thinking about how many partners a current boyfriend might have had. I just prefer not to think about it because I would constantly be wondering how I compare. So if a guy were to brag about being with hundreds of women, I wouldn't even want to be with him. But even a small number still makes me wonder about how I compare, so I prefer not to even have the subject brought up.
well i think we can all safely say that we've been with more than 1 partner. but when it comes down to it, it all depends really on how they come across. and of course what you may already know about them and how honest you think they are being with you.
daren I think what you've just said says everything about the society we live in "I think we can all safely say we've been with more than one partner". Why is it we live in a society that assumes that? In actual fact, not all of us have been with more than one partner, I find it very sad that the world automatically thinks like that.
well depending on how old you are the logical likelyhood of it increases doesn't it.
personally it's not always a bad thing to have been with more than 1 partner, nobody can be expected to hit the jackpot right first time, it just doesn't work like that. 30 or 40 years ago if you got seperated from your partner for any reason it would seeriously damage your reputation even if the reason was just, whether they were violent or what ever you were expected to stay with them regardless. today it's not the case. admittedly i think people do go and do it for doing it's sake sometimes, nobody can say that hasn't happened before we all know it has. but for the most part, i wouls submit that 95% of people over the age of 25 have been with more than 1 sexual partner. i can count myself out of that number my first sexual experience was nearly 3 years ago now. so it's not always the case but for the most part i would say that it is.
Are we talking society in general or the Zone society specifically?
but which ever way you look at it, it's not an inaccurate assumption is it, not really.
I only think the number of people matters if you're going to have sex, like it was said above, the importance of STD testing and all. But, if someone was with a large number of partners and didn't have a lot of sexual contact with them... maybe it was something emotional, they were too shallow or something... they wouldn't be worth it. I was with someone who had had two other girlfriends, but when he cheated on me with his ex, I thought of it like a cheating triangle. He probably cheated on ex 1 with ex 2, on ex 2 with me, then somehow back to ex 2 again! That kind of shit is uncalled for if someone's a player, but if they have sincerity in them and can sit down and say to you that the past doesn't matter and they can make an honest and faithful commitment without breaking it, that's when they're worth it.
I do agree, sadly, this is not a very inaccurate assumption. Fortunately I'd say it's probably only 90% accurate for people over 25 (heck over 20 in many cases, I'd say it's still 70 to 80% qaccurate for people over 20) and I really don't think it's that much different from what it used to be, the darker sides of society are simply more accessible now, more widely discussed and not as well hidden as they used to be, both because of the mind set of today'd society and the technology that enables people to discover a lot of things but also gives them access to a wealth of resources if they wish to behave in this way.
And, well, I think whether there was sexual contact or not isn't all important (except for diseases obviously). I think evenif theperson didn't sleep with someone, if they emotionally committed to a lot of people before you, how can you be sure that you're any different from the past partners, how can you trust that this time that person sees things differently. If the person only had one night stands in the past, for instance, but now are emotionally committed to you, isn't that, in a sense, better indicator of the success of the relationship thanif you are just girl friend $20 that said person has emotional contact with.
I guess what this boils down to is whether people really do feel like what they have is special, that they feel this is not just another relationship for them or for the partner (because if you have had a lot of relationships or partners in the past it is just as necessary for you to feel that this time it's different or at least be determined that this time you are going to handle it differently).
So, in a sense, number of partners in the past can be worrying, it can indicate issues, at the same time having had a few partners in thepast might have enabled you to understand what you are really looking for and avoid making mistakes that destroyed past relationships.
I guess, over-all, it's something one should consider in a partner but I don't think just number of partners alone, without explanation or without understanding the current relationship, is the one thing to look at.
no i totally agree. when it comes down to it, it doesn't come down to the numbers, there's no real way that it can. ok yeah person a has had more partners than person be, so what? everybody has a passed regardless of who they are. everybody has a passed that's just the way of things.
as for things being different than in the passed? hmmm well yeah i still think it did go on to some degree long ago but it wasn't talked about as much because of various reasons.
we all need to look for something and there's only 1 way to find what you are looking for in some cases.
to an extent I think that emotional attachment does come into the equasion but I think sex plays a bigger part. e.g. if you have a very emotional relationship then chances are that you will have sex with that person. If you don't but have sex with the next person you form an emotional relationship with, then surely that person essentially means more because you have consumated the relationship and given something more to that person than to the original one. However, if you've had 40 one night stands and then become emotionally involved with one person, you might see the relationship differently but I think that the other person would find it hard to see how sex could mean anything more with them than it did with the last 40.
And I think it shows, because I don't know many people would would be happy to admit that they'd had that many meaningless relationships.
i've said it before to people i'll say it again. sex is meaninless. you can have it with anybody. you don't need to be in a relationship to have sex. sex adds to a relationship but that's all it does. it doesn't make a relationship. for example, if the relationship is going through a rough patch sex isn't going to solve it. it might do for a few seconds but that's all it is going to do. sex adds to the experience of being with that person yes, of course it does. but i'll never think of sex as being the be all and end all of any given relationship. with or without sex a relationship is only what you make it.
Hmmm, again I have to disagree. I think there is a vast difference between saying that sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship, and saying that sex is meaningless. I agree that you can have meaningless sex, that you could essentially do it with anyone and it would mean nothing, but I don’t agree that all sex is meaningless, otherwise why would people consider it to be such an important part of a relationship? I also agree that sex isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship, but it is an integral part of most serious relationships, after all, without sex we couldn’t have children, also sex is the way in which love is consummated, yes affection is the lead up to that, but invariably kisses/cuddles/closeness ends in sex, and sex is one way in which you can be close to your partner.
Umm I think that you should not hav a cowl abut the number of partners that a person has had, but I do beleve that sex is not something to play around with. It is a very inportant aspect of a relationship, so If you got to sleep with more than three partners I would make getting tested mandatory. Well I don't think the number matters as much as them keeping themselves safe, now that will keep the next person that they sleep with safe.
am not saying clair that sex isn't part of a relationship, it is. but when it comes down to it, honestly? i don't care how many partners my gf may have had. if she hasn't had that many that's ok. if she's had a number of partners that's ok. we all have a passed. there's nothing you can do about it, it's just that's how it is.
when it comes to it, it's the person that counts not the amount of passed relationships they have had. just because someone has had quite a few sexual relationships, there could be very valid reasons for that.
What an interesting question and what a variety of answers. So here's my story.
I have had a lot of sexual partners, I'd probably say about fifteen at most. I really am very uncomfortable when a person that I want to be in a relationship with asks the big question about how many people I have been with in the past. I'm in a different place in my life than when I was sixteen (I'm twenty-six now), which is when I had the most sexual partners.
Then about four from that number were people that I have had relationships with. I would be hurt if someone would ignore all of my other qualities based on choices that I had made in my past. Does that make sense? WE all change, we all grow, we all evolve. If my future boyfriend had been with a lot of women but had changed, then it would not matter to me. Just because I have had a lot of sex in the past doesn't mean that I don't view the act as sacred and loving. I think it just meant that I associated sex with love and wanted that emotional support in any form that I could find it.
Hugs,
Meka
Hum... I agree that the past is the past. Hell, I even have a past and a peson whom I had sex with who I wish I said hell no. Yet its the past. I value sensuality and love making to its fullist.
probably seven and up.